Weight-Loss Hypnotherapy Blog Twenty Nine
Smile (but don’t say cheese) for Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic
by Nigel McDermid
I might point out that I’m not paid for product placements in these blogs that I scribble for Man Up Lose Weight Hypnotherapy.
So, if I mention something by name it’s not because some grinning monkey is dealing me notes off the back of a thick wad of twenties.
Highly principled of me, you might think. But the truth is that no-one’s ever bothered to ask me to endorse any product.
Not even cheese.
Now, I mention cheese because I love the stuff and there was a time I’d have happily waved a flag and shouted loudly: “Eat more Cheddar.”
But nowadays, of course, I have to be more careful. As the face of Man Up Lose Weight, (in much the same way Rihanna bats for Armani), I have to be mindful of my public image. So it’s less Caerphilly and more Careful with that spready stuff, Nige. Or, even better stick to cottage cheese (which is quite apt seeing how it often tastes of glue).
Funnily enough, it was only recently, I was watching telly and there was a nice bloke spouting on about the health of children’s teeth and he said one of the best ways of caring for young gnashers was to eat a piece of cheese at the end of each meal. This was interesting and I daresay very sound advice but it might have been more convincing had the bloke weighed less than 19 stone. He did have good teeth, though.
Anyhow, the point is, that when you’re being mindful of what you eat you have to be mindful, too, of what people want to sell you and/or their motives. Yes, you can have a slice of pizza as a treat, for example, but no, you can’t have pizza every day just because the adverts say it’s topped with low-fat cheese. Be aware. That’s what I’ve learnt from the Man Up programme at Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic.
And that’s why I’m cautious about recommending particular brands of food in my ramblings. That said, and without any brown envelopes being handed to me by Mr Marks or Mr Spencer, I am now going to break my own rule and recommend a product… .Only this past week I tried something that might be of interest to fellow Man Uppers – M&S have brought out a range of “Super”soups. My favourite is Chicken & Super Grain. It’s very tasty and checking on the label very healthy too. There are other varieties for veggies – the pea and mint is very nice.
Of course, you might be a bit shocked to hear that I was shopping in M&S, which I have to admit is a step up from where I used to buy my dinner, ie Bargain Booze. But it’s not all gold-plated trollies down at M&S. And there are even some foods you can pronounce without a degree in languages. I have to say, though, it’s not quite the cheapest store in town – these soups are £2.50 each (feeds two). But if you’re counting the pennies, I daresay you could look up the ingredients and have a fair go at making them yourself. And it’s advice like that which probably explains why I’m never asked to endorse products.
Next time: learn how to build a Dyson vacuum out of party balloons.
Weight-Loss Blog Twenty Eight- by Nigel McDermid
Hello to you all and apologies to Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic… It’s been a little while now since I last filed a blog for the celebrated Man Up Lose Weight site.
The reason is, I fell a bit poorly a week or so ago. It’s not that the vultures were exactly circling overhead but I was under the weather long enough for my typing finger to become over fond of being idle – so much so, in fact, that I feared I might never coax it to jab a keyboard again.
Happily, though, it’s back in action now and able to help me report on a remarkable fact that I learnt while sick.
Well, I say “remarkable” but I suspect not a lot of folk are going to be too startled by my revelation that weight falls off quite nicely when you’re ill. It might even be common knowledge. And I suppose I should have realised that when the mere thought of lightly buttered toast is enough to send you howling to the toilet bowl it’s likely you’re going to eat a lot less.
Anyhow, my bout of gastric meltdown opened my eyes (along with other things) but other than dropping several pounds there was a secondary aftermath to my unseemly drama. You might recall a little while back I’d pledged not to shave until I’d reached a particular target weight. Progress, though, in this direction was slow enough for me to culture a look not dissimilar to that of Tom Hanks in Castaway.
“You look awful,” was a comment I heard several times.
“I know. I’m not feeling well,” I explained.
“Not that – that thing on your face.”
My beard was then compared to a dead badger or some other grisly roadkill.
So there was some relief all round when my illness-inspired weight loss allowed for my beard loss too. And actually it felt good to free my face of fuzz.
So In a way my sickness did everyone a favour.
My whiskerless mug seemed to meet with overall approval, though there were a few grumbles about the aftershave I chose to splash about a lot. (The beard growing meant I’ve a lot to get through before my next birthday).
Anyhow it’s funny how things work out. The pong of the perfume was actually strong enough to put me off food again for a little while longer. And that saw off a few more ounces. Ta, ra.
I have asked Daniel if he’s likely to adopt any of my pioneering slimming techniques for inclusion of the Man Up Lose Weight programme.
“Don’t hold your breath,” he says.
And then he smells my funky aftershave and I do believe he is holding his breath. So you never know, do you?
Weight-Loss Blog Twenty Seven
Can a Beard Help a Leeds Lad Slim Down? by Nigel McDermid
When I first started on the Man Up Lose Weight programme at Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic, one of the things I learnt was that it is good to reward yourself now and then.
Rewards are an incentive.
And one of the first rewards I promised myself was a smaller pair of trousers. In fact, I went out and bought a pair, acknowledging they could only be regarded as a reward once I could actually fit into them. They would be my prize for slimming down.
This was smart thinking.
Sadly, I’m unsure whether my latest wheeze is quite that smart.
In fact, I know it isn’t.
About two weeks ago, I hadn’t bothered with the razor for a couple of mornings and for reasons that I no longer recall, I inspected my stubble and rubbing a hand on my (sort of) hirsute chin, challenged myself – I decided I wouldn’t shave again until I had dropped another 7 pounds.
There was very little logic to any of this.
I wasn’t at the time regarding my decision as being proposing an reward; I just fancied growing a beard as well as shedding half a stone on the way to my ideal weight. So why not combine the two challenges? I reasoned.
My main mistake was to share the news with other people because it turns out that nearly everyone hates my beard – so much so that they threaten to implode if I so much as go within five feet of a fridge, fearing that the slightest morsel passing my lips will prolong the moment when I become once again clean-shaven.
I find this a bit irritating.
Not, though, as irritating as my beard.
The sensible thing to do, I realise, would be to abandon the challenge and simply lather up and regain that glabrous glamour for which I like to think I’m famed.
But we McDermids are made of sterner stuff than this. A challenge is a challenge and I have determined that no blade may touch my skin until the weighing scales allow it.
Be Thin or Look Like a ZZ Top!
This puts me at risk of becoming a ZZ Top lookalike unless I show real resolve to lose those pounds. Or worse still I could pass as a bearded extra from that film The Revenant that I keep banging on about.
“You could be one of those trappers who gets scalped by the locals,” says a pal.
Now, that is just the kind of comment that makes me despair – I’d actually thought that having a beard would balance up my face – sort of compensate for being a bit bald up top. Apparently, though, the facial hair just makes me look like my head’s on upside down.
This is all a far cry from what I imagine. I saw myself as some dashing cavalry officer, who armed only with tight breeches and outrageously waxed whiskers captures a brace of Russian cannon single-handedly. Instead, strangers look tempted to hand me loose change outside the supermarket. Most avoid eye-contact.
Perhaps I could say I’m a hipster?
But I’m informed this is out of the question.
And so I guess that having a shave actually is going to turn out to be a reward, after all.
It won’t be just me who’s finally relieved; there’s one person I know who is absolutely terrified by beards. Scared stiff, she is. Apparently it’s a condition called pogonophobia – the fear of beards. Luckily, I know someone who can deal with this sort of thing and I point her immediately in the direction of Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic.
Weight-Loss Blog Twenty Six- by Nigel McDermid
Man Up Welcomes Women Slimmers Too
Man Up Lose Weight was initially set up by Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic to appeal to the kind of person who might otherwise never give weight loss a thought.
Blokes, in other words.
Apparently, though, the website has also attracted a surprising number of women wanting to sign up and lose weight.
Is this, I wonder (rather proudly) anything to do with my mugshot that accompanies these slimming blogs of mine?
No, says Danny.
Without a pause to consider hurt feelings at such a blunt response, Danny explains that he is proposing to make clear to all women who wish to shed fat that they are more than welcome to join Man Up and reap the rewards.
Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic, of course, already offers help to anyone wishing to lose weight with advice etc to be found on the clinic’s own website at www.leeds-hypnotherapy-clinic.co.uk – the launch of Man Up, like I said, was introduced as a separate entity with the intention of being a means to target and help a specific type of client.
So, I wonder will Danny, in welcoming women, be now renaming the brand (Wo)Man Up or perhaps something a little more classy like Leeds Ladies That Slim or Oy, Lasses Lose Some Lard.
For the time being all Danny proposes is making it clear that women are welcome on the Man Up course and that they can benefit just as much as the blokes.
Pretty soon, there’ll be a dedicated page for women on this very site, I’m told.
Say Cheese… But Don’t Eat It!
So, will I be writing a second blog, I wonder? This time one just for the ladies and accompanied by an even more alluring snapshot of my mug.
I think Danny is of the misguided notion that I might struggle to engage effectively or empathetically with female clients.
I think he means I might upset them.
Geez, Danny, I’m Nigel McD, not Nigel Farage.
I think he’s worried I might make jokes that cause offence.
But how do you judge what’s an offensive joke when nowadays causing offence is easier than falling off a log. Or off a blog. One minute you think you’ve contributed to the collective world of mirth, the next there’s an online petition signed by two million demanding a lot more than just your head on a plate.
Jokes To Laugh Away The Weight (MAYBE)
But I suppose I should stick to jokes with at least some relevance to this blog, so how about: “My pal joined the gym last week and the first machine they put him on was a respirator.”
Then again, who needs wisecracks when reality is more amusing – I read the other week that in Japan, McDonalds burger stores are introducing chocolate-coated fries.
Weight-Loss Leeds Blog Twenty Five
Can You Scare Yourself Thin? – by Nigel McDermid
Weight-Loss by scaring yourself? As we should all know by now, Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic’s mean and lean Man Up weight-loss team encourages us to be bright, breezy and, of course, as active as possible in our efforts to slim down to a healthy weight.
So I do my best.
But by nature, I don’t always score full marks and so it’s with some pride I’m able to provide an alternative suggestion for those days when, with the best will in the world, being cheerily active is asking a lot.
As an alternative, then, I present: being terrified.
My scare-away-the-lard programme occurred to me as I watched the trailer for the new film The Revenant – an all-action, blood ‘n’ guts movie with gun and bear fights aplenty.
It oiled my memory banks and though I don’t have vivid recollections of ever being mauled by a grizzly, I do remember being threatened with a gun, (on more than one occasion as it happens), if in less impressive circumstances than those portrayed in The Revenant.
Even so, I can confirm that the phrase “scared witless” is nowhere near colourful enough to convey the reality of such situations.
Not Too Light On His Feet
The incident I’ll relate, occurred when I was aged about nine and I spotted some bloke blundering through woods close to where I lived. Being a big fan of the Lone Ranger and his pal Tonto, I thought it my duty to follow his tracks, which I did, eventually clambering up a wall from where I could see out over open fields. But there was no sight of the man, which was puzzling as I couldn’t imagine where he might otherwise be. The answer was right under my nose – literally. I looked down from my perch and found myself staring down the barrels of a raised shotgun.
I gulped and said “hi” while backing slowly down the wall and then I ran. And when I say “ran” I mean I moved like shit off a hot shovel. My legs pumped so fast that had Usain Bolt been out training he would have rubbed his eyes not only at the dust I was leaving in my wake but in sheer disbelief at my speed. I imagine I covered 100 metres in roughly three seconds. Such is the power of adrenaline.
Energy Burning Benefits for Weight-Loss
From this, I surmised that the release of adrenaline burns up a lot of energy.
My sketchy research on this matter suggests my theory is kind of correct.
Sadly, I learnt my revelation is not new and scientifically, quite complicated. More interestingly, though I stumbled on an article on the Internet from The Daily Telegraph from some years ago, which presented a list of horror movies and the number of calories you might expect to burn up while watching them. Top of the list, you might or might not be surprised to learn, was The Shining at 184 calories. Obviously The Revenant wasn’t mentioned, though if I do go and see this movie I might weigh myself before and after and try to remember to report back my findings.
Pro-Active Weight-Loss Pursuits
I’m thinking, also, that my fear-based weight-loss programme could be extended beyond mere movie watching to embrace more pro-active pursuits – being strapped to the wings of an airborne stunt plane at mealtimes, for example. Or how about eating afternoon tea at Betty’s and then picking up the bill? If that doesn’t scare the fat of you, nothing will.
PS I’ve been asked to point out that none of the above weight-loss suggestions are in any way endorsed by Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic or the Man Up Lose Weight programme and no animals were hurt in the writing of this blog.
Leeds slimming Blog Twenty Three
Indoor slimming by Nigel McDermid
When I went to Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic and signed up for the Man Up Lose Weight programme, I don’t recall Danny mentioning, at the start, much about physical exertion.
The initial focus was on educating me about my eating habits and it was only later that we got on to the benefits of keeping active.
Since then I’ve been fairly happy to haul myself off the sofa now and then and take a stroll.
Slimming by walking to the shops
One habit I’ve developed, is to walk to the shops rather than jump in the motor. I strap on a rucksack which I can then cram with essential groceries – healthiest stuff at the top, of course, just in case I’m stopped and searched by Man Up agents, even though I’m pretty sure they exist only in my head.
The one bother of this shopping lark is that we’re at the time of year when the weather makes me feel like I’m Lawrence Oates announcing that he “might be some time” before stepping out into an Antarctic blizzard and on into heroic history.
So I’ve been staying in and watching a bit more telly.
Slimming before exercise
One programme I caught on BBC catch up was the first episode of the new series of Trust Me, I’m a Doctor. An interesting revelation was that men lose more fat exercising before eating, while women lose more fat after eating. If I was following what they were saying with any accuracy, it seems no-one’s exactly sure why this should be – just that it is.
I thought that this was cool because once the rain is not coming in at a horizontal level and I can resume shopping with my rucksack, I will be walking before eating (because I have to get to the shops to buy the food). Another shopping factor pleasing to my morale is that the laden rucksack, that I return from the supermarket with, actually weighs less than the fat I’ve dumped since joining the Man Up programme and this indicates to me just what a lump of lard I once was.
Slimming with house hold chores
Anyway, back to Trust Me I’m a Doctor – the presenters, just like The Man Up programme, put great emphasis on being active without having to embrace some punishing SAS-style fitness regime. Their suggestions include stretching a lot while towelling yourself dry after a shower – yes I’m ok with that – and another one involves exaggerated movement while vacuuming, which looks a bit like Monty Python’s Minister for Silly Walks meets hoovering the front room rug. My advice would be to make sure you draw the curtains before getting out the Dyson.
Slimming by decorating
One bit of house-bound PE I thought I’d have a go at which I don’t think was mentioned on Trust Me, was decorating. I stretched those thighs as alluringly as possible as I climbed the stepladder and – up 1, 2 and then down 1,2 – applied a matt finish to the coving with as much ergonomic ease as I could master. One thing to note, though – OneCoat paint, doesn’t do what it says on the tin. No it does not. ThreeCoat would be more accurate – something I’ll be dwelling on profoundly as I mince my way back up that stepladder yet again. It’s the sort of thing that makes me think I’ll need to be calling in on Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic again pretty soon – not for weight loss this time but for a vigorous course of anger management therapy.
Weight Loss Hypnosis- Survival of the Fittest not the Fattest
The old belt and braces survived the strain of the festive season, I’m happy to report – thanks, of course, to Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic’s Man Up Lose Weight programme.
For myself, the Yuletide battle of the bulge never quite flared into wholesale conflict even if a few skirmishes with Bailey’s and a variety of bottled beers could have claimed me as a Christmas casualty.
It must have been my survival training on the hypnosis sofa that pulled me through; as bellies inflated like barrage balloons and bellicose belching broke out at parties up and down the country, I managed to keep my head down low enough to blunder into 2016 relatively unscathed. At least I was able to tread on the weighing scales without them erupting like some improvised explosive device.
Admittedly, I didn’t actually lose any weight over the two-week holiday period but, importantly, I was no fatter either.
Weight Loss Hypnotherapy Hope
And this gives me plenty of hope of now marching confidently onwards, my sights set on that target weight of 13 stone and 11 pounds.
Of course, I’m still in the overweight battalion but I bade farewell to the obese division quite some time ago. The healthy-weight foothills now loom on the horizon.
And so they can for everyone.
The truth about Weight Loss Hypnotherapy
What the Man Up programme taught me over the latter part of last year was mindfulness. I can see I have choices. If I remain fat it’s because I have taken the decision to be so – even though I might prefer to blame other factors. Other factors, I now understand are excuses.
I read only the other day that more than half the UK population consider themselves to be overweight. And I dare say most of them are. But like me, they can do something about it. They’ve at least admitted they are overweight – something it took me years to recognise in myself as I was very good at kidding myself I was just a big-build bloke. It wasn’t until I admitted I was fat that it became possible to tackle the problem (by which time my weight really was becoming a problem – and not just in the comical broken sofa sense but in health terms).
And so far so good.
You can also lose weight and slim down in Leeds
So, if you’ve a mind to be slimmer and healthier yourself, I’d be happy to point you in the direction of Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic, simply because I know the programme works. Happy new year.
When I first decided slimming down might be a better plan than having the sofa re-sprung, I went to see Danny at Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic and he said, “Man Up Lose Weight is a fun programme based on serious principles.”
I eyed him suspiciously.
What he was saying sounded OK.
But being his father, I knew this was just the sort of wordy wizardry he likes to use to try to mentally nutmeg me.
Yet now, six months down the road and more than three-and-a-half stone lighter, I suppose I have to admit he was talking some sense.
I guess, I’ve come to trust Danny’s judgement over the past few years.
There was the time he told me to fix the windscreen wipers before my trip to Manchester; there was the time he told me not to give my bank details to that bloke who rang me from Mumbai.
Then after last week’s blog when I had happened to mention my haemorrhoid, er, nightmare, he said “you really want to get those things checked out,” and I thought , “fair enough.”
Only when the nurse asked me to remove my trousers and I heard the snap of latex gloves, did any doubts arise.
Had Danny’s reassuring tone been thought through thoroughly, I wondered?
I stared at the wall, laid on my side and the lubed-up nurse said kindly, “you might feel a bit of discomfort.”
Well, I’ve got to admit the old eyes did water a bit.
Minutes later I was being invited to sit next to the laptop while the nurse typed away. Hovering an inch or so above the chair, I observed her hands were a mite smaller than I’d imagined.
She prescribed something called rectal steroid foam, which will be applied by myself, (doubtless to everyone’s relief), using the kind of apparatus you might otherwise expect to find at Ann Summers wannabe stores.
Or maybe B&Q.
I doubt, unlike Man Up Lose Weight treatment, my rectal repairs can be categorised quite as a “fun programme based on serious principles” but then again I did have a sheltered upbringing.
Despite all this perceived indignity, I know that the decision to drag my sorry self arse to the surgery had been a good one, even if my normal instinct is to shun medical advice on account of extreme cowardism.
But, with piles a bleeding, I had a choice to make and I took the reasoned step to sort out a worry by seeking help that was readily available.
And assuming I can operate the pump-action rectal foam dispenser without causing further injury, I’ll hopefully have one thing less to fret about in a week or two.
And I guess this same principle of doing the wise thing applies to other situations, such as when people want to lose weight – start by recognising that help exists at such places as Leeds Hypnotherapy Clinic.
An added bonus, of course, is that hypnotherapists don’t need to wear latex gloves.
Leeds Weight-Loss Blog Twenty One- by Nigel McDermid
Losing weight has lightened my mood, I’d say. Maybe it could help others who feel despondent over their excess lard?
This could be my new mission. After all, I’ve known quite a few depressed large types over the years.
“Maybe they were only depressed when they were with you?” pondered wifey.
I thought about this. There are also some folk who depress me, I pointed out.
And then I got to wondering – when I’m not with such people am I happy?
When I think about it, most of the time – I don’t know – let’s say 90 per cent of the time – I’m about as deep-thinking as a vegetable – just an emotionless lump, a sort of Yorkshire turnip. Or maybe a parsnip now that I’m a bit thinner.
And I suppose that’s a bit depressing. Then again, that might in itself be a good thing because depression is an emotion. At least, I think it is.
So, can I now rejoice in other things that make me gloomy? Can I smile about having no hair? Shall I hang out the
bunting now that my piles are so monumental they’ve been granted grade 2 listed building status.
This, I feel, is just the sort of thinking that will eventually cause my mind to fold in on itself and emerge in some parallel universe as a pair of unironed underpants..
It’s called: too much introspection.
But as someone who put the anal in self-analysis, I seem unable to leave the subject alone.
So, as a compromise, I’ve decided to call the aforementioned 90 per cent “void time” my “chilled time” – a period when I’m spiritually at one with Leeds and the rest of the universe, which let’s face it is a bit less depressing than being a vegetable.
In the old days, I’d not think too much about all this sort of thing and instead distract myself with booze or food. Some other people embrace alternative distractions such as BEING ANGRY with anyone who fails to share their views.
These are all perfectly normal human distractions – massively harmful, of course, but pretty normal.
Now, though, having abandoned heavy drinking, overeating, and never really having been all that angry, I have fewer distractions and more time for writing stuff like this.
But what of others, who, like me, have forsaken past diversions such as binge eating – others like me who are on programmes such as this Man Up slimming lark?
Are you all out there writing weight-loss blogs as well?
If so, that’s good because referring back to my Man Up manual reminds me that keeping the mind and body active is a very important part of our journey.
We’re advised to be active and mindful.
I’ve already mentioned in earlier blogs a few of the things I’ve had a go at since I started to lose weight – stuff like walking, swimming etc.
And my next move, I think, having just watched the film The Life of Yogananda, will be to have a go at yoga. I expect this to be both distracting and spiritually fulfilling.
But if it falls short of expectations will I be disappointed?
And will this make me feel depressed?
But with my new insight turned up to fully operational, that, of course, should also make me happy.
I think it’s working already.
Leeds Weight-Loss Blog Twenty- by Nigel McDermid
Ah. ‘Tis the season to be jolly. The distant sound of sleigh bells signals the start of the festive feeding frenzy once more – that time of year when ad chiefs expect us to eat at least our own body weight in mince pies.
It’s a tough month to stay slim and trim, and that’s for sure, let alone actually to lose some weight.
Happily, though, I’m of an age when it’s compulsory to complain about contrived jollity. So all those celebrity chefs who think chocolate sprouts and party poppers constitute festive cheer can go whistle.
And this, of course, is exactly the kind of attitude that should make it easier for me to forego gluttony and not actually explode at the Yuletide dinner table.
Yet it’s not so much the twinkling pyramids of Ferrero Rocher or tinkling of rich cream sherry bottles that threaten to unstitch the resolve of many a slimmer like myself – it’s more the torpor of wintry days.
By wintry days, I don t mean crisp, white snow, and rosy cheeks glowing in pine-fresh alpine air; I mean standing at the bus stop in horizontal rain with your lips turning blue. This latter example of Yorkshire weather is enough to keep many folk indoors, seeking comfort in front of the telly with industrial quantities of cheesy Doritos for company.
Such was the case for me on Sunday, though being on the Man Up Lose Weight programme, I felt obliged to give the cheesy Doritos a miss.
Naturally, by early evening I’d more or less lost my mind.
In a brief moment of lucidity, though, I managed to observe that at least 80 per cent of men in the background shots on Antiques Roadshow are either bald or bearded or both. And the rest wear Panama hats. At this point had an open-barrel of mulled wine been present I’d have gladly jumped in head-first and drowned myself rather than learn the value of a stuffed owl or Winston Churchill’s skipping rope.
But, of course, there will be many who love Antiques Roadshow and other such programmes. And that’s just fine.
All I’m trying to say is that it’s a good idea for dieters to plan ahead to avoid instances of delirium-induced food or booze binges. Or mulled wine drownings.
For myself, I’m thinking, wet or windy as the weather might be, I’d be best advised from now on not to veg out on the settee for any longer than eight hours at a stretch.